dude i'm inner monologue high
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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