I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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