I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
