remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
