We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
