my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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