I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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