when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
