Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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