I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
