I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
