Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
