call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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