Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
