well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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