My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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