your room smells of hookers.
And success
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
