please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
