Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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