I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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