I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
