Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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