Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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