I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
