Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
