youre lurking in front of me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
