You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I stole a fireplace last night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
