She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
