I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
