Three words: puerto rican gang bang
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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