dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
40s are totally the cure
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
