Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
