I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
