I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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