Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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