A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
