i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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