Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
