he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
