Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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