Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
