No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
