Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
