Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This is my gift to your gina
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
