Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
