I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
