And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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