Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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