I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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