i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
