I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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