I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
