i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
