that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
