He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
