Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
